the things we saw. . .

I have to say, along the way, the assortment of dead things was ENORMOUS! There were HUNDREDS of dead skunks--(the most popular dead animal, by far!)--there were even several black and white dead CATS that met their demise, probably quite by mistake- just by being the wrong color--- bring in the politically correct police---ahhh, but I digress. . .
sometimes when we whizzed by a flattened carcass in our traveling "kennel" I'd wonder out loud if it was a cat or a skunk--
"a skunk", Sue'd say, always with absolute certainty
"hmm--looked like a cat to me," I'd reply, squinting at the blob in the rear view mirror
"That's why they call them 'WOOD PUSSIES, '" says Sue~~
"I ain't touchin' THAT one", sniffs I--(boy, the STUFF she knows?)

~~and of course, Sue saw the dead cow, way back in Texas--I asked her how she knew it was dead and she replied, "IT. WAS. DEAD. --"--she provided no other details, so I reckon it musta been on it's back with it's 4 legs stickin' straight up??? guess I'll never know how she knew--- and neither will YOU~~~

We saw many, many dead possums, a dead dog or two, a giant bird (hawk? falcon? seagull?--we WERE in Beach territory when we saw that--), quite a few axis deer, and a dead coyote, strung up by his hind legs on a fence~~~(gruesome!)--we're not sure why the thing was hanging there--possibly to scare off other coyotes??? like my mother who snags any passer by that comes to her house to come back and bring a gun and shoot her a crow so she can hang it in her pecan tree to scare off other crows--but AGAIN I digress. . .

so now, if you have gobs and gobs of dead stuff--- what else are you gonna have????
YOU guessed it!!!! BUZZARDS!--buzzards, buzzards everywhere, doing what buzzards do~~~ circling their half dead victim, driving it insane as it lays there dying, hoping to speed up the process, as they MUST wait til it's dead before feasting on it~~~~

"Wow!" I gasp--"look at all those buzzards!--there must be something really big and dead over there" as I swung my free hand (the one not taking notes or holding the camera) towards a field off in the distance~~
"Well, " says WILD KINGDOM Sue, "I'm not so sure --I think they are just riding the current"
"RIDING THE CURRENT???????" What are you talking about????" I yelled at her---"they're circling dead stuff!!!"
"Not necessarily, " she sniffed, looking deep in thought
"are you SERIOUS??? " I was screaming , now--"I was born and raised with buzzards-- and didn't you ever watch those westerns where the guy was staked in the desert and he would see the buzzards circling through blurry slits in his eyes???--they weren't RIDING the current! there wasn't even a current IN the desert????"
where DOES she get this stuff?

and speaking of "STUFF"~~~remember the pocketbook that has been riding in Sue's lap for 6000 miles???? Well, I'm beginning to think that it's a Mary Poppins bag--Ive never SEEN so much stuff come out of a pocketbook~~~
"Sue, do you have a pen?" I'll ask
"sure"~~ and she'll reach in "the pocketbook" and pull out a pen
"Sue, do you have a bandaid? "
"Sure"-- instant band aid
"nailfile?"
'Sure"~~~instant nailfile
"paper?"
"sure" ~~instant paper
"laundry detergent?
"sure~~~
"kleenex?
"sure"
"mint?"
"sure"
stamps?
sure"
flashlite?
"sure"
"toothpaste?"
"sure"
"flea powder?"
"sure"
"saddle?"
"sure"
you get the idea-- you name it she pulled it outta there--

and the mystery of why that pocketbook is never leaving her lap~~?????
are you ready??? I think I've figured it out!

when we were in a store in Alabama, we saw a sign that read: "The bigger your pocketbook the smaller your butt looks"

I had no idea she would take it so solidly to heart~~

Later~~
Mar

The journey home continues. . .Feb 26, 2009

We made it through Oklahoma without any space debris falling on us or any tornado hurling us off into the wild blue yonder-

For a visual of our traveling "domain" think about this: 2 people cooped up in the front seat of a car (jeep) for 6,000 miles!!! ~~~ One of us driving, all the while taking pictures, writing in her diary and cussing, the other, buried under maps and post it notes, 2 plastic cups of "handy, dandy, out of this world salad dressing " in a zip loc, inside a kleenex box, tucked under her feet, 4 bottles of water, cooling in the springs beneath her seat, (her innovation) and. . .her pocket book still perched on her lap~~~guess who's who????

I often compared our close knit quarters to the dog kennel where Trittie and Maggie have been boarded for the last month--

Sometimes I swear I see Sue taking a deep breath before getting back into the cage, er, I mean, her seat--I know I do~~

Anyway, when we get to the hotels now, Sue waits for me to spray the room down with Lysol ~~all along, if she even sniffs or clears her throat I have asked her if she would like some "airborne" (loaded Vitamin C)

"no, I'm good" she ALWAYS replies~~

The other day I thought I heard a noise coming from under the maps over there on the other side of the car~~~

uh oh--

"need some airborne?" I ask

"Nope, I'm good, " she hacks

I think she's coming down with KENNEL COUGH~~

Later~
Mar

Kay's Kafe

Feb 16. Monday

When you last left us, we were burning rubber out of Harley and Annabelle's town-, Erick OK--

-We headed toward Clinton OK-- and explored along the way--- not much happening ~~along about lunchtime, we stopped in this random ghost town at a place called KAY'S KAFE-- a note here: seems everybody in OKLAHOMA, TEXAS, ALABAMA, AND TENNESSEE, love, love, love to spell stuff with "K's"--one of my PERSONAL pet peeves--- I hate it when people do that~~~
anyway,
there have been Kozy Kottages, Kathy's Kafe, Kum and Go, Moka's Koffee and Kremery, Kathy's Krazy Kwilts, Konnie's Kountry Krafts~~y'all get the idea-- KRAZY :*)~
so anyway, we're in a town called Carter ( one of ONLY 2 places spelled with a "C" --Clinton is the other) at Kay's Kafe, and we walk in-- everybody in there turns and stares-- not a word is spoken-- they all just stare--We tell the lady behind the counter, ( Kay?) we'd like lunch and she looks at us and says, "Well, just sit down anywhere, then"
So we take a booth with red vinyl seats and sit there-- nobody says anything to us--

the lady behind the counter is talking to all the other people in there-- they obviously are locals and eat there everyday-- she runs into the kitchen and brings out some food for the people-- then comes over to us with her pad poised and says, "So, have you decided what you want?"

Sue and I look at each other and then ask her if we can see a MENU?

A look crosses her face, like , "what's a MENU?" or maybe she was trying to think where they might be--apparently nobody ever looks at or orders off of a MENU there
"well, if you WANT to see a menu. . .~~~most people just order the special"
Sue asks her, "Oh!!! what is the special???"
She flips her head in the direction of the back of the restaurant where a white chalkboard was--pad still in the writing position. . .
we craned our necks over there and squinted, trying to read the half wiped off "special"--
I could make out a C" and an "H"--the rest was too blurred out to read---

she's looking rather impatient so nervous Sue blurts out~"OK then, I'll have the special!"
I'm wondering what in the hell the special is--hmmm. . "C?'' H??" must be a cheese sandwich-- maybe toasted cheese???
She then offers, "Those two over there are sharing the special," nodding over her shoulder at a man and an ENORMOUS woman at the next table--
"Oh," we're thinking, "this special must be really really big if that woman only needs half~~
So I ask Sue if she wants to split the special--
She says SURE--
I then ask the woman what the special is-- as she walks away, she says, "It's two chili dogs and chips"
Uh Oh-- I see toilet trouble. . .

We ain't lyin'--go to YOUTUBE and look up "Harley and Annabelle"

Today is Monday, February 16, 2009

We left the comfort of our hotel and headed out into the world of tornadoes and falling space debris, heading toward Clinton, OK-- we had a hot tip from some lady in Amarillo TX, that the "antique pickens" were unbelievable along the old route 66 ( rt 40)-- a tertiary road :*)--from Erick to Clinton in Oklahoma ~

My boxes to be mailed have grown to 5 and they are really cramping our "treasure space" in the car--but there is NOWHERE to mail them--plus, it's President's Day-- everything's closed~

But today, we hurriedly crammed all our stuff into the car willy nilly so we could get an early, early start on all the exciting treasure troves along rt 66 that the dipwad Amarillo woman told us about--

We'd been on the road barely 10 minutes when we saw the sign welcoming us to ERICK--

Hot dog! that was fast! lets keep our eyeballs peeled for all the cute shops-- well, as we passed boarded up building after building, and barely 3 cars in the whole town, we spotted an old building on the right---loaded with old road signs, and junk all over the front porch~~~
"JACKPOT!", we were thinking.

Just as we got out of the car, we saw a woman with long white hair running toward us from across the side yard of the building and told us she would let us in--
--"WOW!!-- how lucky are WE that she is here to let us in this place!!!! YESSSSSSSSS!!! "

She opens the door and I stepped in first--- it was very dark and smelled of burning wood from a wood stove, and LOADED with stuff up to the rafters! I turned around and she was hugging Sue--- telling her that her name was ANNABELLE and what was hers?--UH OH--- then she comes over to me and gives me the same welcome---I'm not liking this too much. . . "CRAZY"Annabelle is more like it--"
I glance over at Sue and she is grinning from ear to ear--happy as a clam~~~

We very soon found out that this is NOT a store, but a THEATER, as Crazy Annabelle kept telling us-
I'm still not gettin' it~~~ I'm thinking-- "Oh this was an OLD theater, turned into an antiques store?"--

-As my eyes became accustomed to the dim light, I noticed there were hundreds and hundreds of coins strewn all over the old wood floors , and a few bowls on random tables with a 10 or 20 dollar bill inside---ok~~now I'm GETTIN' it ~~~
They do NOT sell stuff, they run a "THEATER"~~and they want M-O-N-E-Y~~


The door opens and in walks Cro Magnum man---HARLEY~~with an armful of wood for the stove--- he greets us the same as Crazy Annabelle, except compared to HIM, Annabelle is the very definition of sane--He is wearing overalls, has a full beard and long hair and is dripping "crazy"--He immediately goes into a well rehearsed dialog about all kinds of stuff~~ the government, the world, his life, what drugs he's taken, sold, planted, or bought, how he met ole Annabelle, who, what and how many groups have visited their "Theater"--all told without ever pausing or drawing a breath---just one 5 minute run-on sentence after another--I'm making sure I keep close to the door and make sure that they are NEVER between me and the door--

Sue, on the other hand. . .

. . .is still happy as can be and is enthusiastically asking them QUESTIONS ??? yikes!~~~

Ok, these people DEFINITELY have bodies in their freezer~~

I asked if I could take a picture and they all went into manic mode-- Sue jumped up and grabbed a tamborine, then jumped in between Crazy and Super Crazy, started kicking up her legs and whacking the tamborine on her ass--if I didn't know better, I might think Sue felt right at home here?
Now keep in mind how she was TERRIFIED in New Orleans just walking down Bourban Street???
Crazy Harley continues blabbering on, without so much as a comma between sentences--he leaves the room and goes somewhere outta sight, talking incessantly the whole time-- he returns with a Coke---more than likely he had to dig through frozen Eric, Lulu or Chester in the Frigidaire to get to that Coke~~~
I kept trying to "wrap it up" and get the Hell outta there, but Sue kept egging them on--Crazy Annabelle kept showing us dozens of pictures of people who had visited them, and Harley was firing papers at me about how the mayor of Erick was trying to make him get a parade permit 'cause too many people came into town to see them and created a traffic problem--HUH?? there were only 3 cars during the height of business on the day we were there--

Sue finally plopped $$ into their jar and we made our way outta there, but not before we had to give them a GOOD-BYE hug and agree to go around the block and look at their house-- we drove by their house (recognizable by the 7,000 road signs plastered all over every available surface)--- there was MORE junk in their yard than there was in the store, AND there was a FULL sized, TAXIDERMIED deer standing in the yard, amid all the clutter--
Happy Sue exclaimed that at least it looked better than the ceramic ones people put in their yards. .

As we rounded the corner by the store to get back onto the main road, they were standing there, waving to us--3 feet from our car---
Out of the corner of my eye, I think I saw Sue blowin' kisses to them!~~~

can you say, "DELIVERANCE?"

I sped up and burnt rubber all the way to the next town.-- I wonder if that lady in Amarillo was in on it?
Later~~
Mar

February 15-16, 2009--OKLAHOMA

Sunday, February 15, 2009-- We are in Oklahoma!-- We made it out of Texas without being jailed!!! Yippppeeee



Now that we're in Oklahoma, we start discussing tornadoes--- "Well", says I, "I think when you're in a house you're supposed to go and get in the bathtub in the bathroom"

"WHAT???" says Sue, "I don't think so, Where did you hear that?"

"Well, on Desperate Housewives, they were all holed up in the bathroom during the tornado", I said

"No, I think you're supposed to go to the center of the house, " she says

"OK, then if you're in a car what are you supposed to do?" I baited her.

"Well, you're supposed to OUTRUN them" she states--

"OUTRUN them??? how are you supposed to do that???" I asked

"Don't you watch the storm chasers??--- they're always outrunning the storms", she says

"they watch which way it's heading and then outrun it"

"You're CRAZY--- you can't outrun a storm---I think they change directions on a dime-- you're supposed to go in a ditch, " I yelped

"Well, YOU can go in the ditch, I'm gonna outrun it" she snorts

sooooooo, we call our resident Texan/TOUR GUIDE-- Karen-- and ask her

"Well, you are supposed to go in the bathroom if it's in the middle of the house", she muses~~

"Well, how about if you're in your car and see one coming--- then what?" , I ask

Hmmmm, I think you're supposed to go in a ditch", she says~~

We got to Erick, OK around 7 pm, and just as we were checking into our hotel, my cousin Sophia (SOAF--YA) calls me;

"I just called to tell y'all to be careful 'cause I just heard that all that space debris from those spaceships that crashed into each other is falling somewhere in Texas-and maybe Oklahoma--and I didn't want y'all to get hit by any of it, so be careful~~~"

Crap! what 's going on in this part of the country???? We've gotta keep our eyeballs out for ditches to roll into and dodge possible space debris-- and we thought we had troubles with the Texas Fuzz~~gasp~~

Now I'm starting to worry about those Tornado possibilities--- Sophia used to live in Oklahoma so I asked her what you were supposed to do if you were trapped in a car during a tornado--
she said, she wasn't sure but she thought you were supposed to get in a ditch~~
OK, then, I'm getting in the ditch-- Sue's on her own!
So then I asked Sophia if she'd ever been in a tornado
"Well," she pondered, "I think I was."

Now, I'm no mind reader, but I'm pretty sure if you'd been in a tornado YOU'D KNOW IT???

"HUH???" I asked--"How in the world could you NOT know if you'd been in a tornado?" I asked her incredulously

"Well, something was going on really big, but there was so much rain, so I didn't think I was in a tornado cause there was no rain in the one on the Wizard of Oz, " she babbled

That one cracked us up!! Then she told us NOT to go to the movies cause the theaters have no central support and it's the worst place to be in a tornado or when space debris falls--
Now , pay attention--- how stupid can we be to glean all our STORM/TORNADO info from TV??? and thank goodness for cell phones so we can get all the info we need at a moments notice--
Now what in the world did ya THINK we talk about in the car?
Now ya know!! :*)
Later~
Mar

Call Cousin Vinnie-- the Fuzz is after us!

February 15, 2009, Sunday
We have done 3200 miles on our trip. . .and today will be OUR "TURN AROUND", we're heading back home--goin' east---

Today started out pretty good except it was Sunday and MANY MANY shops and restaurants are closed here in Amarillo, TX-- WE ARE IN THE BIBLE BELT!-- We looked in vain for an Office Max, Staples ( no such beasts) or UPS store (found one---closed)- to mail my 3 giant packages home--

we poked around some antique stores that were open, ate an early supper at South of the Border, and headed east toward Oklahoma--every now and then I'd stop and take a picture of a dead skunk or a cow or oil well or something, then pull back onto the road and continue on.

We had gotten some fudge in 6 different flavors and Sue had pulled them out so we could taste them all-- I told her I had a very very sharp knife in my glove compartment. She rooted around and found it and proceded to hack off hunks of fudge for our fudge tasting~~Miss Daisy, (Joe) called me on the phone (which was on speaker), so I was driving down the highway, yakking to Joe, Sue's handing me hunks of fudge, and then I saw him. . .

He was on the opposite side of the highway and he crossed over the grassy, ditch of a median strip-- he had his flashing lights on-- I was watching him outta my mirror-- he was wa-a-a-a-yyyy back there-- a good quarter mile-- I paused momentarily from all my multi-tasking that was going on in the car, to see if he was after ME-- He remained way back there--- lights flashing--- I looked around and didn't see any other cars on the road, but he wasn't gaining on me or even trying to as near as I could tell--- so I figured I wasn't his target-- I continued on--- he remained wayyyyy back there--

I told Joe I'd better get off the phone and see if he WAS after me~~

Sue is doing poltergeist head turning--- she's starting to hyperventilate-- "It's because we have so much stuff in the car--- he's after us 'cause we have no visibility "
"Are you crazy?" I snapped at her, "How in the world could he possibly have seen what was in this car from across the highway???"

I kept checking my mirror--- he didn't get any closer, but I decided he MUST be after me because there were NO OTHER cars on the road--- I wondered why he didn't get closer to me???? so I slowed way, way down, and then he came up behind me, lights still flashing, and I pulled over (Joe said he didn't get closer 'cause he was burning up his engine trying to catch me)
I figured we'd be on the evening episode of COPS, before it was all over, being in a NEW YORK car in TEXAS-- for crap's sake

He approached the car on Sue's side --I think she's wetting her pants about now-- Her eyes were as big as saucers. . .she looked like Wiley Coyote did before the rock fell on his head. . .

"LICENSE and INSURANCE please, " he says with his head in the window---

I'm hoping Sue will stick her boobs out and distract him, but that didn't occur to her---

I hand him the required documents and ask him what I'd done--
"You were SPEEDING! " he bellowed
"I was?????" I asked incredulously, sucking a piece of cherry fudge outta my tooth---" what IS the speed limit here, anyway?"
"70"--he replied
"Oh, I AM sorry--- "I thought you pulled me 'cause I was stopping to take pictures of cows"
I think he had a fleeting thought of searching the car but when he poked his head in the window and saw stuff crammed to the ceiling, he thought better of it--he took my license back to his car-

-I had to hold a mirror under Sue's nose to see if she was still breathing. . . he returned and said he was gonna give me a warning this time and he handed me a printed out WARNING--
"thank you so much," I said gratefully--
and we were off--
Then it dawned on me--- THE KNIFE!--- Oh No!
"Sue, I gasped, " good thing he didn't see the knife! He woulda gotten us for weapon possession"
"Oh I hid that first thing," she says calmly (HUH???can you say PRO--FESSIONAL criminal?????)
"You HID it??? He coulda gotten us for CONCEALED weapon"

she probably hid it under the post-it notes--
Later~~
Mar

Backing up to February 14, 2009.

February 14, 2009

We left Abilene today and headed toward Amarillo-- we did the antiques thing, and saw many many oil wells pumping-- cattle, buttes, and plowed cotton fields--there were also many wind farms along the way here as well--

This territory is known as the Hill Country and it is higher in elevation than anyplace we've been so far-- over 3500 feet!!! the mountains in VA were 2800 feet and Galveston was
minus 20--
We veered off the main road onto tiny back roads (tertiary ones for those of you who are paying attention)--the towns look deserted and the houses that were there looked trashy--- even by MY standards!
Sue and I are screeching on the brakes thinking we've stumbled upon a store full of treasures when in fact it's some house with all kinds of trash and debris in the yard and on the porch--

We had lunch at a place called J&M BBQ-- chopped beef, slaw and mashed potatoes with white gravy--- ouch--- our gullets are starting to really GROAN~~~~

as we passed pastures of cattle, we noticed a "cow parade"-- there were hundreds of cows walking single file to . . .somewhere--- I pulled over to take a picture of them and they ALL stopped, turned toward us and all started MOOING in unison--- now Sue is REALLY excited!

along the road, I comment that the scenery sure is pretty and Sue looks out the car window and exclaims, "Yes, it is quite verdent? (SP?) HUH???

We arrived in Amarillo in the evening and promptly went out to Wallie mart so I could get some boxes to mail my "treasures" home--- we are running out of room in the car... :*)


Earlier on towards the beginning of our journey, I "caused" Sue to utter/exclaim, no, it was more like, SCREAM her first F*%# K--
I had maps of all the states and brought tiny square post-it notes to mark where we were on the map for easy findin'--
in the beginning, as Sue was wrestlin' with the maps, I told her to put a post-it on the spot so she didn't have to search for it each time--
"no, I'm alright ," she'd say
so the next time she consulted the map, she'd search and search for the spot where we were and then again for the spot where we were going--her glasses on her forehead, her eyes 2 inches from the map. . .
"Do you need a magnifying glass?" I asked her--- "I brought one"
"nope! I'm good" she'd say
"why don't you just put a post-it on the spot so you can find it easy?" I said --- AGAIN
"nope," she said, "I'm good

Day #2:
repeat Day #1

Day #3--We get in the car and the search for our "spot" resumes
"Want a post-it note to put on the spot?" I ask wearily
She turned on me and spat , "NO!!!!!!!!! I DON'T WANT A F#@*KING POST IT NOTE!!!!!

"So is that a definite "NO"? I ask, evilly (is that a word?)

later~
Mar

Well, in case you're wondering, Sue has drunk the KOOL-AID, now, and she's posting post it notes on everything in sight!